Training on the Porch
A little less than a week ago...my life completely changed. The beginning of a new chapter is always something to look forward to....especially if you have been waiting four years for it. After a refreshing evening with the roommate/ Three Amigos, I "headed down south to the land of the pines." The weather was perfect for my very first arrival on The Porch, where all of ASP's training takes place. My first thought? I am home. Even as I currently sit here, I still can't believe that I am about to embark on the best summer of my life. After volunteering for four years, I am now on the other side. Coming into training, my heart and mind were open with little expectations. I figured, why not just let the Lord work and enjoy every ounce of it. Every single person here is absolutely wonderful. Two people, just to name a few, have really been spectacular this week. My big, sib is so similar to me that it's crazy. She has one of the sweetest hearts of any person I have ever met...not to mention her contagious laugh. Another returning staffer who is in my living quarters has been absolutely fantastic as well. She is someone, although I have only known for ten days, I feel comfortable enough to confide in her...and the similarities between our pasts are unreal.
I feel like I've been reunited with the most loving friends (even though this is the first time I have met most of them). There are a lot of familiar faces I met at my application weekend, but everyone feels like family. Each day is filled to the brim with either sessions, meals, or fellowship. The construction sessions have been pretty easy to grasp, although I know that I do not know it all. The realization that I am human...and flawed for that matter...has become much clearer during training. It's okay to not have a clue about construction, I just have to surrender to the fact that I am here to GROW and LEARN and to be open to WHATEVER the Lord has in store for my life.
There have been times that I have felt anxious, but I just have to remember that the Lord says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, give your requests to God." --Philippians 4:6-7. I just have to remember that God has fully equipped me to be here in Appalachia, and I just have to turn to Him for the source of my strength and perseverence. The Lord has answered every prayer in ways that I could never even have imagined. When I was afraid, He provided comfort and reassurance. When I felt alone, He provided community that lifted me up. My heart could not be more overjoyed than it is right now.
I feel comfortable here...like this is where I have been called (which I have). God has equipped me with everything I need...and at the time when I will need it. I'm doing things that I never thought could ever happen to someone like me. At the talent show...the night before every staff left for their counties, I played my guitar and sang the song "Love Me" by JJ Heller. While reading over the lyrics, I realized that I had finally found the song that captures what Appalachia Service Project means to me. It was at ASP where I finally felt that people loved me for me and showed me the most genuine love I've ever experienced...and I didn't even know them!! After looking at the verses, I found how each one (in one way or another) was a part of my testimony...or at least thoughts I had perceived about myself over the years. Here is how it went:
-She cries in the corner where nobody sees
she's the girl with the story no one would believe.
She prays every night, "Dear God won't you please,
could you send someone here who would love me.
-Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become.
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means.
-Her life seems to sink just a little each day
She's the girl who thinks her life is one big mistake.
She'll go to the gym after school everyday,
maybe if she was thinner then it would be okay
And she says
-Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become.
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means.
-She's waiting to die as she sits all alone
She's a girl in her room who regrets what she's done.
She utters a cry from the depths of her soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go Home."
-Then she heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, "I know you're broken and I know you're scarred."
For I've watched you suffer for all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I
- I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love the love that you never knew.
I am usually not one to spill most of my life story in front of 120 college-age adults, but I feel like someone out there needed to hear it. After the night was almost over, I went out and joined a small group of close friends (mostly first-years) behind the sleeping quarters for a praise and worship session under the stars. We were singing with all we had...no guards were up...all of our hearts were opened. We read scripture, laughed, cried, and sat to enjoy the peace and silence being in the presence of the Lord. There was so much joy overflowing in our hearts and a sense of peace we all needed before this summer really took place.
I know this is a little overdue. I will try to update every Saturday or Sunday before the volunteers arrive. Welcome Home to Mingo County, West Virginia....welcome Home.
Song of the Moment: Our God by Chris Tomlin
Scripture of the Moment: Numbers 6:24
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